I don't think brook has ever known best
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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