It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
