he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize