and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
