if i can run in heels then i can drive
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
