Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
