Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
