omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
