He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
