So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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