bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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