I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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