Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
