This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
