Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
