Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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