dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
