I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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