She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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