We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
