At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize