So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize