My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
