We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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