final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
