just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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