Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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