Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
