started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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