Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
