the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
