matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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