69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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