And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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