I could have mohawked her pubes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize