So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
