Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
