I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
