My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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