I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize