Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
