Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
