Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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