you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
