i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All the doctor said was why
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
