I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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