Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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