Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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