um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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