I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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