I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
