Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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