VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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