the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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