just tell him i said nine months
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
