This house was built for laser tag.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
