I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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