His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
