yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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