don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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