Will you blow on my dice?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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