I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
