david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
