I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's shark week go big or go home
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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