Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
