Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
