Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
