You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
