I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
