would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
