I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
