Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
