Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
