I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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