Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
