So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
