I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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