we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
