She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
