I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
