You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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