Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
