Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
