I heard we made out
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
