everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sober January is a disaster.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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