I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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