Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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