I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The power of my boobs compel you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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