His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
