She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
