She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
