yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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