There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
