not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
