how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I want a musical about memes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
