Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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