i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
