Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
