Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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