the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I will be naked everywhere
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
