he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
