Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
