if i can run in heels then i can drive
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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