btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
