You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
