He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
